This isn't so much about your ordinary activities and routines, but more about the ways you confront whatever obstacles may be thrown at you. Some days are worse than others; there may be times when everything seems to go wrong. Maybe your car broke down or your dog got sick. Whatever the reason, there are always two stances that you can take: passive or active. Let's say, for instance, that your vehicle starts making a strange noise.
The active stance would be to have it checked over by a professional as soon as possible to avoid damage. The passive stance would be to ignore it altogether and hope that it will somehow resolve itself-even though you know that this is unlikely. In this scenario, there are two completely different possible outcomes created not by luck but by the choice you make at a critical moment.
Attribution theory is based on the needs of individuals to assign blame or credit for the things that occur in their lives. For instance, some people will choose to place the blame on God for their unfortunate happenings.
Those same people may also give God the credit for all the good things that happen to them. Even if you're a religious person, this is not the healthiest way of looking at any situation because it neglects the real cause and effect. Some individuals tend to blame others for negative outcomes such as poor test results, the loss of a job, and everything in between.
This is a type of defense mechanism that protects the ego by shifting the responsibility to others rather than acknowledging your own lackluster performance as the cause.
If your life is not where you want it to be, you may feel the urge to blame others for your plight. After all, you would never intentionally bring unpleasant circumstances onto yourself, so how could they be your fault?
Remember, it's not just what happens to you-it's how you deal with it that determines your quality of life. If you feel like you can relate to any of the above, then you're probably wondering what steps you can take to improve yourself and gain control over your life.
There are a number of ways to go about doing this, but it mostly comes down to two factors: accepting responsibility and stopping the blame game. It's important for our mental health that we take an active role in determining our own life outcomes. We must also be honest about the amount of effort or planning we contribute to a task or a goal.
Even when it comes to our mental and physical health , we must be proactive in our approach. If our diet and exercise regimens are not well thought out, or we take a haphazard approach to safety, we may find ourselves sick or injured in an accident.
If we show up to work late, take too many days off, or gossip and waste time on the job, we are likely to lose our jobs or be passed over for promotions, and we are unlikely to see a raise in our salaries. Alternatively, if we are punctual and practice a good work ethic, we are likely to be rewarded. Although there are disasters, crimes, and violations that are no fault of our own, most bad things don't just happen for no reason.
It put a lot of strain on my mind. When I got older, I've started having these mental problems. I was severly depressed and especially in winter. It's not only depression, it's also anxiety and lots of other stuff. I'm completely numb, I want to cry, but I can't. I want to relax a little by crying, but it's impossible. I've actually started believing I have schizophrenia, because I've had some of the symptoms for some time.
I feel like I'm communicating with others inside my own head, and I've always been convinced I could answer if something was going to happen or not. I also have a problem, that when I think of memories that I don't like, it puts a big strain on my mind, which is unbelievably painful. I'm self-medicating with tobacco and occassionally alcohol. When I was a kid, people always told me how smart I am, and that I would become something big some day, and I was smart.
But now I'm stupid, it's like my brain has been damaged because of all the strain it has experienced. I also have another problem, I've come to the fact that I'm gay. People have always told me that I am gay, but I just ignored it. But when I ask myself "Could I be in a relationship with a girl? I could never interact with another girl, because I am so feminine inside.
Girls don't like me anyway. I've always dreamt of having a girlfriend, going on an adventure with her, having kids. And having grandkids when I'm old so I can tell them how it was back in my time. But that will never happen. My parents see that I have problems, but they see them as being really small. The biggest problem they see I have is that my grades are bad. They constantly say "Pull yourself, I know it's hard but you have to".
It makes me really sad because I can't. The only thing I'm doing all day when I get back from school is sleeping and then being on the computer and at night also, because I can't sleep at night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I'm a mentally unstable, suicidal, gay, lonely and unintelligent outsider. The only thing that's keeping me alive is the thought of leaving my family behind. I have a sister who loves me really really much, and I would never do something like that to her.
I also dream of travelling, and finding out who I really am and "clean" my soul by seeing the world, but it's too early for me, since I'm too young and have no money. I also want someone to travel with me, but that ain't gonna happen, since nobody would. I've always dreamt of becoming a great guitarist, and having a great education, but I'm realistic and see that it's not possible, since I'm unable to learn anything right now.
I always ask my self "Why couldn't I be someone else? We live in a generation where homosexuality has become generally accepted nowadays with all the movements and stuff. It's going out of style to say and do bad things to gays. You should feel fortunate about this because I don't know if it's always been as open in the 80s and 90s as it is today. I'm really glad that you came here and posted how you were feeling.
I hope it helped to get all of that out onto "paper" and to have others hear your story. I'm really sorry that you've been made to feel like you are less than others. Please know you are just as important as anyone else. You say you are young, so please don't put limitations on what you will be able to do in the future.
I think the best thing you could do right now is to sit your parents down and say, "I need help. If you don't feel like they are listening, then talk to someone at school. A counselor, a principal, a teacher Please don't give up on yourself. You are worthy of pursuing your dreams, being gay or not.. Don't sell yourself short. I've wanted to be somebody else for as long as I can remember.
I hated my appearance when I was young--and still do. I generally sucked at sports, and I could care less about it now. It hurt, but you're okay. You can think, "I have the worst luck! Internalizing negative situations, like the above accidents, can lead you to see yourself as an ultimately unlucky person.
This can skew your perspective, resulting in you convincing yourself you're doomed to misfortune. Let's return to an example we talked about earlier. If you assume you're socially awkward and unattractive, you'll go to a bar expecting to be ignored.
This may lead you to missing the fact the attractive bartender is flirting with you. You'll fail to notice this chance encounter as you went into the situation with a negative attitude. Instead, go into a social situation with a positive attitude. Instead of thinking, "I can't wait to see how I make an ass out of myself," think to yourself, "I'm so excited for an opportunity to connect with new people.
Reduce anxiety. Anxiety has a negative effect on perception. If you're worried about your work, job, school, or social life, that stress can prevent you from seeing the good around you. Taking steps to reduce your anxiety can greatly help you open yourself up to good fortune.
Strive to be physically active most days of the week. Take a long bike ride after work. Stop by a community school for a swim before your morning classes. If you're new to physical activity, start with an easy routine and work your way up. Both these substances can cause you to have an increase in anxiety. Stick to only a couple of caffeinated beverages each day, and only have one to two drinks a night.
All these activities can help curb anxiety. You can find guided meditation and yoga routines online. You should also consider taking a class in yoga or meditation. Cut yourself some slack. People prone to good luck and good fortune adopt a go-with-the-flow mentality. Working too hard can actually prevent good fortune.
You may, for example, keep at a task you'd be better off abandoning. Try to follow you intuition and pursue your passions. This is far more effective than pushing yourself beyond reasonable limits.
This allows you to recharge and re-energize, both of which can allow you to be more perceptive of opportunities around you. Staying the course when things are not working will block your ability to be innovative. Experimenting with new methods can lead to better fortune.
For example, say you've been working on an article for work for hours. The writing still feels muddled and repetitive. At this point, scrap it and start over. You'll be frustrated at first, but you may find an even better approach after stepping away from the task for a few days. Accept setbacks. Not everything you do will turn out well. Embracing this fact can lead to an increase in good luck.
If you're not afraid to fail, you'll pursue a variety of opportunities. The more you pursue, the more likely something will eventually turn out for you. For example, say you live in Los Angeles and are a budding screenwriter. A producer asks to see your portfolio. You may never hear back after sending him your writing portfolio, and you may worry about the emotional toll of rejection.
However, you will likely regret not trying even more. Studies show you'll be happier pursuing multiple things at once. While many of your pursuits will fail, people are happier with variety in their life. In addition to increasing your chance of good luck, you may be a happier individual if you embrace variety. Method 3. Surround yourself with positive people. Positivity is contagious. If you surround yourself with genuine, encouraging people, you'll have more self confidence.
This can allow you to be more open to the kinds of opportunities that can lead to good luck and good fortune. Seek out friends who look on the bright side of life. Make plans with the co-worker who always has nice things to say. Invite your friend Tina, who's known for her bright and sunny attitude, out for a cup of coffee. Call family members who tend to be more positive. If your brother has a gloomy outlook on life, do not phone him after a bad day.
Instead, call up your mother who always sees the positive. Limit contact with negative people. It's very hard to be open to good fortune when you're surrounded by negative people. Negativity, like positivity, can be contagious. You may be unable to embrace new opportunities if you're surrounded by people with a defeatist attitude.
Learn to disengage with negativity. People who are chronically negative usually do not actually want help. They just want to continually complain. If a friend or family member is going on about a problem ceaselessly, do not try to offer solutions. Instead, say something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm sure you'll figure it out. You do not have to end a friendship or relationship completely. However, see that person less.
Do not call, text, or interact with a negative person every day or every week. You'll end up getting dragged into their worldview, resulting in you missing chances for good luck. Seek therapy, if necessary.
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